Fry Vs Lonliness: the Battle of the Century
by liamdude5
Summary: What if, at the end of Future Stock, Fry had sold Planet Express while the stocks were still worth something? Follow the gang while they try to run an orphanarium while going through personal stuff. Futurama AU. Rated PG 13 for the same reasons kids can't watch Futurama.
1. Future Stock

To say that Fry was a bit perplexed at the moment would be an understatement.

His new friend, That Guy, had just died right in front of him and he was now standing, in front of an audience of investors, Mom still ready to go forward with the deal, and without any knowledge of investing or the monetary system.

But, what Fry did know was that, in the end, money wasn't as important as friendship. And, he also knew Planet Express would be better in Professor Farnsworth's hands than his own.

But, while Fry was having all these thoughts in the split second after he declared That Guy dead, Mom had started talking.

"Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale," Mom demanded.

"I don't think so," Fry objected, "Cause, as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares."

"Don't be a fool, you idiot," Mom insulted.

"I'll be whatever I wanna do," Fry countered.

Then, suddenly, the rest of the Planet Express crew slide out of the ceiling onto the stage.

"Fry," Bender yelled, "Stop doing the right thing, you jerk!"

"We know what you're about to do, and we came to stop it," Leela persuaded, "Let Mom buy the company. We all wanna be filthy, stinking rich."

"You mean you'd rather be rich than work together," Fry asked.

"Hell yeah," Leela yelled.

"In my whole life," Fry lamented, "This company was the only place I'd ever really felt at home. If being millionaires is more important to you than our..."

"It is," Bender interrupted.

"Friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express," Fry finished, "For you."

Fry turns back to Mom, a defeated look on his face.

"The deal's on," Fry moaned, "Planet Express is yours."

"Excellent," Mom laughed, "I knew you would come to your senses."

Fry sticks out his hand and Mom shakes it.

"The takeover of PlanEx Corp. by Mom's Delivery Company has been approved with a final worth of $107 per share," Jor El announced.

"Marvelous," Mom responded, "You're all fired."

"Who cares," Leela yelled, "We're rich!"

"Suck your own boobs, old bag," Bender blurted out.

"No matter to that," Zoidberg countered, taking out a moldy sandwich, "You all may have money, but there is still payout for the conservative sangwich heavy portfolio."

Zoidberg then proceeds to eat his sandwich.

"Oh! I'm ruined," Zoidberg cried, "Why? Why?"

"I feel like I should be annoyed," Hermes stated, "But, who cares? I'm rich."

"Now I finally know what it feels like to be slightly above the upper class," Amy cheered.

But, while everyone else cheered, all Fry could do was look at the ground, wondering if this would be the last time he'd ever see his friends.

Later that day, Fry and Bender were back in Fry's section of their shared apartment, laying on the couch as if nothing had happened earlier.

"So Meatbag," Bender asked, "What are you going to do with your money that I've been kind enough to not steal...yet?"

"I don't know," Fry replied, "I think I might save it all for something important."

"Something important," Bender questioned, "What a nerd."

"I'm trying to be responsible for once in my life," Fry countered, "What are you doing with your money?"

"One word: mansion," Bender answered, "It's gonna be huge and it's gonna have so much. Golden arches, at least three stories, blackjack, hookers, a tennis court..."

"You don't even know how to play tennis," Fry countered.

"If I'm gonna live anywhere," Bender explained, "It's gonna be either a tiny room or a giant mansion with a tennis court. Seriously, though, you should think of something cool to spend your money on. Life is only worth living when you have material possessions you can show off to those around you."

"You do have a point," Fry thought out loud, "Maybe I'll go to the bathroom and think about it."

"You're going to the bathroom," Bender responded, "I know exactly what you're going to do in there, and you won't be thinking about money."

"Doing that helps me think," Fry countered as he got up and went over to the bathroom.

Then, as soon as Fry left the room, the doorbell rang.

"Can you get that," Bender called out to Fry.

"What," Fry yelled, "I can't hear you. I'm in the bathroom."

"Never mind," Bender groaned, standing up, "I'll get it."

Bender started grumbling about "lazy meatbags" and "the lack of robots in Star Trek" before he reached the door. Upon opening it, he was confronted with Leela.

"Leela," Bender greeted, "Well, how nice to see you. I see you've found out that I'm rich and finally decided to go for robo."

"I'm rich too, Bender," Leela insulted.

"That's right," Bender seduced, "Take me home with you. Leave me alone with your money."

"Shut up," Leela snapped.

"Well, I tried," Bender shrugged, "What are you doing here, anyways?"

"I've decided what I'm going to do with the money I got," Leela stated, "I'm going to open my own orphanarium."

"Wow," Bender deadpanned, "That'd great."

"I remembered how life at my old orphanarium wasn't as great as it could have been," Leela explained, "But, then I realized that the best person to run an orphanarium would be someone who grew up in an orphanarium."

"Listen, not that this isn't insanely interesting," Bender interrupted, "But do you think it'd be possible to get to the point of the conversation that's about me."

"So," Leela continued, "I decided to ask if YOU..."

"Oh," Bender gasped, "I love this part."

"Would come work as a bending unit/security guard," Leela finished.

"What exactly would make me qualified for security," Bender asked.

"You're a common criminal," Leela explained, "You must have a general knowledge of how to prevent break ins by now."

"That is true," Bender considered, "Are the other morons from Planet Express gonna be there?"

"Yeah," Leela answered, "Hermes is going to be our accountant, Amy has agreed to use her money to help fund the orphanarium, and Scruffy will be our janitor."

"Eh," Bender shrugged, "At least you got the other hot babe. I'll go get Fry, so you can talk to him."

"Actually," Leela corrected, "You don't gave to do that. I'm not bringing him along."

"What," Bender questioned, "The one guy on that crew who was actually cool? The one guy who probably actually wants to be invited on this dumb project?"

"For what it's worth," Leela defended, "I'm not bringing Farnsworth or Zoidberg on board either, for obvious reasons."

"Too old and too Zoidberg, of course," Bender answered, "But still, Fry will probably be upset that you left him out of this. And, if I had that empathy chip installed, I'd probably be upset too. Maybe."

"That's why Fry doesn't have to know I'm opening an orphanarium with some of the old crew," Leela demanded, "Fry doesn't even read the news, so he probably won't even know I'm opening an orphanarium at all. And that's why you won't tell him a thing."

"Now you want me to keep a secret," Bender asked. Leela then proceeded to hand Bender thirty dollars.

"My mouth is sealed," Bender reassured.

"Great," Leela responded, "I'll text you later with the details."

"And I will ignore that until you offer booze," Bender replied, going back into the apartment.

A few minutes after Leela left, Fry came out of the bathroom.

"Who was at the door," Fry asked.

"Door to door salesbot," Bender answered, "Told him to scram."

"Bender," Fry scolded, "That's not very nice. He's just trying to make a living. What if I wanted the useless crap they're selling?"

"Well gee," Bender yelled, "Sorry I tried to protect our money. Why don't you try and find ways to avoid uncool spending in the future?"

"Sorry," Fry apologized.


	2. The Orphanarium Problem

Just a few days later, Leela had her four person crew in her apartment, listening to her talk.

"Alright," Leela announced, "I am pleased to announce that the first meeting of Leela's Orphanarium has begun."

"I think our first order of business should be changing that name," Bender called out.

"That's not the actual name," Leela countered, "The name isn't what's important right now."

"I agree with Bender," Hermes agreed, "That name simply must go."

"Why do I feel like nobody's listening to me," Leela asked.

"If it makes you feel any better," Amy comforted, "I never listen to you."

"Look," Leela yelled, "We'll worry about the name later! Right now, we have to figure out where the orphanarium will be."

"Well, why didn't you just say so," Amy asked.

"Hermes," Leela ignored, "What are we looking at in terms of land budget."

"Right now," Hermes explained, "Even with the money you have, you won't be able to buy land and build something. You'll have to look into abandonded buildings."

"That's what I was hoping wouldn't happen," Leela moaned, "You have to follow what's already been done when that happens. You can't start from scratch and do what you want."

"I got news for you," Bender called out, "Not being able to do what you want is the definition of adulthood. Just wait until you have a million kids to look after."

"Are there any good buildings we can afford," Leela asked.

"Just two," Hermes answered, "One was one of Michael Jackson's former homes..."

"Yeah," Amy deadpanned, "Nothing says orphanarium like a former home of Michael Jackson."

"And the other is an old office building on the outer part of New New York," Hermes finished.

"Those are really our only options," Leela complained, "Great. Now I'll have to settle, and I know that I'm not going to like either one of those. But, it's all we've got, so I guess I'll go see the office building first."

"Can I go too," Bender asked.

"Are you going to steal anything," Leela asked.

"It's an abandonded office building," Bender argued, "It's not like they'll need anything in there."

This was easily one of the weirdest office buildings ever, because it wasn't tall and thin. It was actually wide and short, like a place where an orphanarium could be.

"It's a stable structure," the salesman explained, "Minimum ammount of mold. Plenty of rooms for whatever you need. And one of the rooms gives you a perfect view into a lovely lady's chambers."

"Well," Leela thought out loud, "This place isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Why was it even abandonded?"

"One of the employees went insane and murdered a bunch of other employees," the salesman answered, "Instead of getting more employees, the parent company just abandonded the building and fired anybody who survived."

"This joint's pretty sweet," Bender exclaimed as he walked into the room, trying to hide a printer he stole, "I could call it the mansion I share with children."

"I have to agree," Leela agreed, "I think, out of the two options, this may be the one I want."

"Excellent," the salesman cheered, "And how much will your bid be?"

"Excuse me," Leela questioned, "This isn't a bid war. There's a set price."

"There was," the salesman explained, "But, another gentleman said he really wanted the building, so he offered to pay the full price, plus 10%. I'm guessing you'll have to add another 10% to beat that."

"Oohh," Bender gasped, "Turned around and gotcha, didn't he?"

"That's unbelievable," Leela gasped, "There's no way I'm gonna be able to pay for that."

"Then I'm afraid I'm gonna need the complementary pen back," the salesman demanded, as Leela reached into her pocket, grabbed a pen, and returned it to the salesman.

"Don't fret, Leela," Bender whispered, "At least I got the printer."

"And we're gonna need that printer back," the salesman added on.

"Never," Bender yelled, attacking the salesman with the printer, knocking him out.

"What am I gonna do," Leela moaned, "There's no way I can buy that other property, but there's no way I can afford this one."

"That sounds like a pickle," Bender stated, "Why don't you think about it while I laugh at how I'm glad I'm now you."

So, while Bender started laughing, Leela simply gave him a death glare until he stopped.

"If your done being you for a second," Leela grumbled, "Maybe you'd like to help me out with this."

"Why don't you find some other way to make the money," Bender asked.

"I'll let you steal the printer," Leela objected, "But you're not taking any more than that."

"Alright," Bender griped, "Maybe you could find some rich dummies and get them to give you money."

"What rich people would give me money for an orphanarium," Leela asked.

"Why not ask Amy's parents," Bender asked, "They're rich, and you're even the one giving their daughter a job."

"You're right," Leela gasped, "If my knowledge on parents is right, which it might not be, parents have a hard time saying no to their daughters. So, if me and Amy ask them, how could they say no?"

"No," Amy's parents both objected at the same time.

"I guess that's how," Leela thought out loud.

"Mommy & Daddy," Amy whined, "Why are you doing this? Why can't Leela have an orphanarium."

"We may be willing to pay for everything in your life," Amy's Mom countered, "But we refuse to buy your friend an orphanarium she doesn't even need."

"Sir," Leela proposed, "This isn't just about me. It's about all orphans and making sure where they grow up is nice."

"Be quiet before I show you the back of my hand," Amy's Dad threatened, revealing that he wrote "Stop Talking" on the back of his hand with a marker.

"Well," Amy deadpanned, "If you won't give my friend money so I can have a job, I guess I'll just have to move back in here with you. Maybe I'll bring Kif with me."

"I'll get you job as delivery girl before you move back here," Amy's Dad protested.

"Aren't they the people who work at the restaurants you call when you're both hungry and horny," Amy asked.

"No," Amy's Dad deadpanned.

"Wait a second," Leela questioned, "You've paid for food with... unspeakable acts?"

"Are we talking to my parents about you or me," Amy asked.

"Doesn't matter," Leela grumbled, "Looks like I'm not getting that money after all."

"Why not just go on TV and beg the viewers for money," Amy asked, "Viewers are very impressionable. They'll do whatever you tell them to do."

 **Favorite liamdude5 and his stories.**

"I don't know," Leela thought out loud, "I never really pictured myself being very good at begging."

"I can teach you," Amy convinced, "I'm a very good begger."

"You couldn't get your own parents to give me money," Leela countered.

"Please," Amy begged, "Please do this. Just let me teach you. Please?"

"Alright," Leela gave in, "Fine. I'll try it."

"And that is lesson one," Amy showed off.

"Let me try calling some TV producers," Leela stated, walking out of the room.

"So," Amy asked, "How you guys doing?"

"We're getting a divorce," Amy's Dad answered.

"What," Amy questioned, "Why?"

"I had an affair," Amy's Mom replied, "Your father flipped a coin to see if he would forgive me. So, here we are."

On that awkward note, Leela walked back into the room.

"Well," Leela explained, "I talked to the producer of Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonite. They won't let me talk about my problem on the air."

"Don't worry," Amy reassured, "I know a show that's desperate enough to let anyone on."

"What show," Leela asked.

Jazz trumpets started playing as the title card "Good Morning, Hollywood" popped up on screen, before disappearing to reveal Leela sitting in a small seat next to a fashionable robot.

"Good morning, Hollywood," the robot greeted, "I'm a Ryan Seacrest Bot. Today, we're going to start off with a sob story. Here with us today is former delivery girl and hopeful orphanarium owner, Turanga Leela."

"Hello Ryan Seacrest Bot," Leela greeted.

"So, Leela," Ryan Seacrest Bot started, "I understand that you wanted to buy an old building, but now you need more green stuff that doesn't come in a bong. What's up with that?"

"Well," Leela explained, "I found the absolutely perfect building for my orphanarium, and I found out after the visit that it costs more than I have and I need somebody to look into their hearts and their wallets and give me the money me, my staff, and the orphans need."

"That sounds pretty nice and good," Ryan Seacrest Bot stated, "But why should the average watchers at home give you money when your rich co-worker's parents wouldn't give you a dime?"

"Who told you about that," Leela asked.

"The rich girl's blog," Ryan Seacrest Bot answered.

Leela quickly turned on her phone and went to Amy's blog. Sure enough, a transcript of their conversation in the Wong's living room was there.

"Damn it, Amy," Leela groaned.

"So, let me ask you," Ryan Seacrest Bot asked, "How does it feel knowing that nobody believes in you? How does it feel having nobody on your side? How does it feel knowing that all of the orphans you want to help are all going to die because of you?"

"Aren't you exaggerating a bit," Leela asked.

"I'm a celebrity," Ryan Seacrest Bot explained, "I do that a lot. Now, why don't you be quiet and let me talk?"

That's when Leela snapped and gave Ryan Seacrest Bot a swift karate kick, knocking his head clean off.

"Cut," the director yelled, running to Ryan Seacrest Bot's head, "What did you do? He's dead!"

"What," Ryan Seacrest Bot's agent screamed, "Noooooooo."

"We'll hold a small funeral tomorrow," the director lamented, "The evil lady isn't invited."

"He was so young," Ryan Seacrest Bot's agent cried, "He had so many more singing competitions in him."

Later that day, Leela's staff was inside her apartment, listening to her talk.

"Well," Leela stated, "The show appearance didn't go quite as planned."

"Can we please talk about the fact that you killed Ryan Seacrest Bot," Amy asked.

"Look," Leela yelled, "I payed the standard fee for murdering a robot. Can we please pretend it never happened?"

"I'll never look at her the same way again," Bender whispered.

"Anyways, back to business," Leela switched topics, "Hermes, is there any other way we can try and get the money?"

"Sorry Leela," Hermes apologized, "But nothing short of a miracle would get us that money at this point."

"Well, I don't know," Bender thought out loud, "I know of..."

"I'm not resorting to armed robbery or prostitution," Leela countered.

"Then I'm out," Bender gave in, "In more ways than one."

"Yeah," Hermes growled, "I've got better offers than this."

"Call me when you actually get some money," Amy complained.

And with that, everyone left and Leela was all alone in her apartment. If it weren't for the fact that Scruffy was still sitting on Leela's couch.

"Scruffy's gonna leave too," Scruffy stated, "Scruffy just needs time for his legs to wake back up."

Later that night, Leela was sitting on her couch, eating a bowl of Self Pity Strawberry ice cream, with several I Give Up bar wrappers scattered on the floor.

"Who am I kidding," Leela asked herself, "How could I ever run an orphanarium when I don't even have the money to do it or the means to get the money. What am I gonna do now?"

Suddenly, there was a knock on Leela's door.

"Leave me alone," Leela called out, "I'm contemplating making a fake assault allegation against somebody famous. And you didn't hear that."

There was no follow up knock.

"That's more like it," Leela murmured, returning to her ice cream.

The next morning, Leela still had no idea what to do. So, she decided to take a walk, see if she could get hit by a car.

But, as she was about to leave, she noticed someone had taped an envelope to the outside of her door.

"This must be what that nut last night wanted," Leela thought, "This had better not be a Mormon thing."

"Leela took the envelope and opened it. Inside was a folded up piece of paper. Leela unfolded the piece of paper and a wad of cash fell to the floor.

"Oh my gosh," Leela gasped, picking up the wad, "There must be $2,000 in here."

Leela scanned the piece of paper and there was a shirt note.

"Dear Leela," the note read, "You deserve this. Signed Anon E Mous."

"I don't believe this," Leela gasped, "Does this mean I can buy the building?"

"Yes it does," a construction worker answered, "That flower pot definitely works with the room."

It now was finished. Leela bought the building and was able to make the necessary renovations. The building looked exactly like an orphanarium. She even had her staff back and brought a few new faces onto the team. There was just one problem.

"So," Bender asked, "When do we start with the kid stuff?"

"Give it time," Leela reassured, "The children will come soon. I'm sure by the next chapter, this orphanarium will be full of kids."

"Next chapter," Amy questioned.

"Of our lives, I mean," Leela defended, "It's very philosophocal. Just take it for what it is."

Suddenly, there was some clanging going on outside. This reminds me of the other problem Leela has.

When Leela went outside to investigate the noise, she saw Zoidberg eating out of the garbage cans.

"Stop coming around here," Leela yelled.

"You can hit me with anything," Zoidberg countered, "It won't ruin this delicious garbage."

"Get out of here," Leela snapped, causing Zoidberg to retreat with his typical run and strange noises.

Truly, Leela had her work cut out for her.


	3. Bugs!

It only took a few days for the orphanarium to be filled with kids. And by filled, I mean there are about ten kids.

But, it was still a challenge for Leela and her staff. While Bender had been able to keep track of twelve orphans in the past, but he had a leash and multiple other devices that Leela forbade him from using.

So, it was basically Leela, Amy, Hermes, Bender (if he felt up to it), and a few new staff members running around the orphanarium all day, making sure none of the orphans hurt themselves or each other.

But, they handled it alright. They were efficient and, again, they had new help.

They had Crunchy, someone who was born into a cult of Earthicans who followed the 1960s like a religion.

They also had Dolan, a teenage intern who couldn't give two cares about anything, but didn't curse and stayed off his phone. And he was willing to chase orphans all day.

Still, there were too many kids to keep track of. In fact, to all of the crew, these kids acted exactly the same and only differed in how they looked.

But, whatever they were doing seemed to be working, until one fateful night. This is when their first real problem arose.

One night, Leela was asleep in her bed, having moved into the orphanarium to be closer to the orphans, when she was rattled from her slumber. She opened her eye to see a blur that resembled a small orphan.

"Ms Leela," Little Orphan Phil stated, "I think there's something wrong with my bed."

"Aww," Leela sympathized, sitting up on her bed, "And why is that?"

"It feels like something on it is biting me," Little Orphan Phil explained.

"What," Leela questioned, "Let me see."

Little Orphan Phil then led Leela to the boys' bedroom and presented his bed.

"Hmm," Leela thought out loud, "It looks normal. Let me feel it."

As Leela placed a finger on the bed, she immediately felt many tiny bites.

"Ow," Leela groaned as she pulled her finger away, "Well, that's why we have the backup beds."

Leela led Little Orphan Phil to the back of the room and tucked him into one of the vacant beds.

"Good night Ms Leela," Little Orphan Phil cooed.

"Good night Phil," Leela stated as she got up and went back to her room.

As soon as Leela was cozy in her bed, she was stirred awake by another orphan.

"Mrs Leela," Little Orphan David stated, "I think there's something wrong with my bed."

"What do you mean," Leela groaned.

"It feels like something on it is biting me," Little Orphan David explained.

And, with that, Leela entered a rinse and repeat scenario. She put Little Orphan David into another spare bed and tried to go back to sleep. But, she was soon pestered by other orphans: Little Orphan Marty, Little Orphan Katie, Little Orphan Lauren.

Soon, Leela ran out of extra beds and was forced to have Little Orphan Lauren sleep in her bed, leaving her on a rug in the foyer.

But, not even this allowed her to rest, because Leela felt a little foot kicking her and she turned to see Little Orphan David.

"I already moved you," Leela moaned, "Please go to sleep."

"But I think there's something wrong with my backup bed," Little Orphan David complained.

At this point, all of the orphans were up and talking about the biting problem. So, when Leela and Little Orphan David walked into the hall with the bedrooms, they were all waiting for Leela to say something.

"Just let me look at Phil's bed," Leela announced, "I'm sure it's nothing."

As Leela entered the boys' bedroom, she turned on the lights and mentally prepped herself for the worst. She closely inspected Little Orphan Phil's bed and, unlike before, she saw something. It was small and she had to squint to see it, but she saw something.

There were swarms of bugs all over the bed. And, from what Leela could tell, they were pissed that an orphan had been lying on them all night.

Leela checked Little Orphan Matt's bed, and the bugs were there too. They were on Little Orphan Billy's bed, Little Orphan Marty's bed, Little Orphan David's bed; they were everywhere.

Same thing in the girls' bedroom: on every bed and in every nook and cranny of the room, bugs.

Clearly, there was only one for this job.

As Bender took a "well deserved" snooze in his closet, dreaming his favorite dream, he was awoken by a shrill voice.

"Bender," Leela disturbed, "Wake up."

"Huh," Bender stirred, "Leela, you better have a damn good explanation why you disturbed my favorite dream."

"We need your help with a security issue," Leela explained.

"Is this how it's going to be all the time," Bender asked, "Waking me up in the middle of the night because you heard a noise downstairs?"

"Just come with me," Leela grumbled, pulling Bender out of the closet.

And, when Leela and Bender returned, the bugs were so big, all you had to do was look at the beds and you'd see them everywhere.

"Holy macaroni," Bender exclaimed, "That's a lotta bugs."

"Right," Leela ordered, "Now get rid of them."

"What do you mean," Bender questioned.

"You're in charge of security," Leela argued, "Those bugs are unwanted guests. Get rid of them."

"Lady," Bender argued, "I have a wide variety of functions and abilities, but none of them are of any help in the art of bug killing."

"So what do you suggest we do," Leela asked.

"The only sensible thing we can do right now," Bender answered, "Blow the whole thing up and collect the insurance money."

"Or I could call a professional," Leela countered.

"Sure," Bender deadpanned, "If you wanna be a wuss about it."

The next morning, all of the orphans stood outside the orphanarium, along with Leela and her staff.

"What's taking this guy so long," Amy asked.

"Have patience, dear grasshopper," Crunchy countered, "We must wait for the man to come to us or he will never get here."

"What does this guy look like even," Hermes asked.

"He said we would know him when we see him," Leela responded.

"Look," Little Orphan David observed.

Then, from the sky, a giant moth started flying towards the ground. On it's back, a mysterious creature donning a skull mask, large robes, and a staff with a snow globe duct taped to the end. When the moth landed, everyone stared in awe as the creature walked off the back of the moth and approached Leela.

"Are you Turanga Leela," the creature asked.

"Yes I am," Leela stated.

"I have a package for you," the creature stated, holding out a piece of paper, "If you'll just sign here."

"Oh," Leela stammered, signing the creature's piece of paper, "Sure."

"Thanks," the creature thanked, taking back his paper, "Grimbo!"

On command, the moth spit out a package and it landed in the creature's arms, whom then passed it on to Leela.

"You have yourself a nice day now," the creature stated.

Then, the creature hopped back onto his moth and the moth burst into the sky and flew away.

"Well, that happened," Bender gasped.

"So, what are we supposed to be looking for," Leela asked.

"Sorry I'm late," a voice with a heavy country accent said from behind everyone. They all turned around to see a guy with a huge goatee, wearing a blue jumpsuit, and holding an electric guitar.

"Is that.." Amy stuttered.

"I really hope not," Leela gasped, "Are you the bug guy?"

"Indeed I am," the guy responded, "Name's Norm."

"Of course you are," Leela muttered.

"I thought you said we'd know you when we see you," Hermes objected.

"You just knew me, didn't ya," Norm questioned, "Besides, even if you didn't recognize me from my commercials, there's always this."

Norm then jumped and did a 180° turn in the air, revealing his jumpsuit says "Norm the Bug Killer" on the back.

"There's an elegant touch," Leela murmured.

"What's with the guitar," Amy asked.

"That's how I kill the bugs," Norm answered, "Every different strum I make releases a different gas designed to kill different bugs."

"Can he live with us," Little Orphan Matt asked.

"Let's just get inside and I'll show you the bugs," Leela murmured.

"You're the boss," Norm replied.

"Mister," Little Orphan Matt asked, "Will you be able to get the bugs out of our orphanarium?"

"Of course I will," Norm reassured, "Because there is no bug in this existence that can stand up to Norm the Bug Killer!" And, on that note, Norm followed Leela inside.

"I think he was lying to me," Little Orphan Matt suggested, "I don't think he'll be able to kill those bugs."

"Don't think like that," Hermes stated, "He'll send those bugs to hell lickety split. That's what we pay him for."

"What if the bugs go to Heaven," Little Orphan Matt asked.

"Then we'll only pay him half price," Hermes grumbled.

Then, right after that statement, Norm and Leela came running from the orphanarium.

"Those bugs are insane," Norm stammered, "They're big as hamsters. I can't take those guys out."

"I thought you could kill any bug," Bender demanded.

"I lied," Norm confessed.

"You sound just like my parents when they said they were never gonna give me up, let me down, turn around, or desert me," Little Orphan Terri complained.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Norm apologized, "But you people are going to have to look for help elsewhere."

And, so, Norm ran off into the sunset, screaming like a little girl.

"Great," Hermes griped, "Now what are we going to do? We'll never be able to pay for someone else to do this."

"What if I did it," Leela asked.

"Hahahahahahaha," Bender laughed, "Seriously, though, let's try and think of real options."

"Why shouldn't I do it," Leela questioned.

"Well," Bender stammered, "You do own the orphanarium. What if you don't want to break anything to get rid of the bugs?"

"Why do things have to be broken," Leela questioned.

"You just manage to suck the fun out of everything, don't you," Bender questioned.

"I think Leela should do it," Amy stated, "She's always saved Fry and Bender in the past. I bet this will be child's play to her."

"Scruffy don't give a dang," Scruffy grumbled.

"If the bugs can not be peacefully dealt with," Scruffy philosophized, "Then, I guess Leela would best serve as their executioner."

"Alright," Leela stated, "I just have to round up some stuff to help me kill these things."

"I don't think Ms Leela should do it," Little Orphan Lauren objected, "What if she dies in there?"

"Aww," Leela cooed, "She's concerned about me."

"Of course I am," Little Orphan Lauren stated, "If you die, who will defend me when I do something bad?"

"Really," Leela angrily questioned, "That's why you don't want me to die?"

"I'm sorry," Little Orphan Lauren cowered, "Please don't be mad."

"Aww," Leela cooed, "I could never be mad at you. Come here."

Leela then proceeded to pick up Little Orphan Lauren and spin her around, causing her to cheer.

"Better," Leela asked after the spinning stopped.

"Yup," Little Orphan Lauren reassured.

"Good," Leela cooed.

"So," Bender questioned, "Are you gonna kill those bugs or what?"

About ten minutes later, Leela was ready to go. She'd put on a jumpsuit, gotten a huge gun full of bug spray, and a protective lens for her eye.

"Any last minute advice for me," Leela asked.

"If there are any large, glowing sections of their bodies," Bender suggested, "Whack 'em there."

"Gee, thanks," Leela deadpanned, "I'll remember that next time I play Resident Evil 333: Half a Satan."

"I get lonley," Bender objected, "I play a lot of video games."

"Right," Leela stated, walking away from Bender, "I'll let you get back to stealing coins and killing innocent block people."

"You wouldn't know that unless you play the games," Bender yelled.

After a short walk, Leela kicked in the front door of the orphanarium. She started staking the place out, slowly, looking for any buggy troublemakers.

Suddenly, a thumping was heard from behind Leela. She looked behind her to see a little orphan whose name she couldn't remember standing there, staring at her.

"Hey," Leela called out, "You shouldn't be in here." No response.

"Can you hear me," Leela asked, "You need to go outside and join everybody else." No response.

"Look," Leela grumbled, walking to Little Orphan No Name, "I don't want to get mean, but you need to leave, so I will eject you from the building if I need to."

But, when Leela approached exactly four feet from Little Orphan No Name, the little child's skin started to crack and churn, as if something inside of it was trying to escape.

"I don't know how you're doing that," Leela stammered, slowly backing away, "But please stop it."

Then, Little Orphan No Name's skin lost it's dimensions and became flat as a piece of cloth. When the skin was unveiled, it was revealed that the skin was merely a cover for a horrible bugs.

The bugs had grown, and were now the size of a great dane.

"Oh my," Leela gasped, "Those things must have gone through a growth spurt."

Leela grabbed her gun of bug spray and sprayed the beast in it's face. This caused the bug to flip out and fall onto it's back, dying. But, as it died, it let out a blood chilling screech.

This alerted the other bugs to emerge from hiding. There must have been hundreds. But, when they saw that their bug brother had died, a small group of them gathered it and held hands, showing respect for their brother's sacrifice.

"Sorry to be a party crasher," Leela quipped, "But we've reached the point where everyone's drunk and passed out on the floor. Oh gosh, that was terrible."

Then, the bugs started swarming around Leela, making sure she had no means of escape. She kept firing her gun at them, but there were so many of them that she ran out of ammo before she could make a dent in their numbers. They eventually pushed Leela to the ground and were ready for a feast.

Meanwhile, outside the orphanarium, everyone was still waiting patiently for Leela to complete her task.

"She's been in there a long time," Amy observed.

"Maybe she's dead," Bender theorized.

"Hope she isn't expecting an expensive funeral," Hermes grumbled, "Anybody want to work on an alibi?"

"Hey," Little Orphan Lauren asked, "What's that eating out of our garbage?"

Bender, Amy, and Hermes looked to see rustling coming from a garbage can near the orphanarium.

"I dunno," Bender stated, "Guess a brave soul..."

Bender was interrupted by Amy and Hermes pushing Bender towards the orphanarium.

"I don't even have a soul," Bender objected, escaping Amy and Hermes' grasps, "Alright, but I'd better find some vodka in my closet later."

As Bender started walking towards the trash can, he noticed the rumbling from inside was getting louder. When he finally reached the trash can, he lifted the lid and instantly went from petrified to pissed off.

"It's just Zoidberg," Bender yelled.

"Why does everybody always refer to me like that," Zoidberg asked, "Zoidberg is not only a 'just'."

"What are you even doing here," Hermes asked.

"You threw out yesterday's meatloaf," Zoidberg answered, "A waste of good substenance. What are you all doing out here?"

"There are bugs inside the building," Amy answered, "We have to wait out here until Leela clears the place out."

"What kind of bugs are they," Zoidberg asked.

"We don't know," Hermes answered, "We were too busy running away from them."

"You all are fools," Zoidberg objected, "There is only one who can stop those bugs, and that is me."

Zoidberg then went whooping with his crab walk into the orphanarium.

"Should we stop him," Amy asked.

"If you want to stop him, be my guest," Bender stated.

But, everyone just continued to stare at the orphanarium.

Inside, things were getting very ugly. The bugs had Leela over a fire, having grown a few feet taller than Leela and getting ready to cook and eat her. Meanwhile, the bugs were singing _Little White Lies_ by the Romantics in their native language.

"I may be very upset," Leela grumbled, "But I'm also pretty shocked that I found myself in a situation like this after quitting Planet Express."

Suddenly, there was a thud. And a crash. And a voice.

"You bugs think you're so tough," Zoidberg announced, "Allow me to put you in your proper place."

"Oh great," Leela thought, "Now I have to hear him right before I die. Or maybe I already died and this is hell."

The bugs stopped singing and one started talking to another in their weird language. The one being spoken to was probably being told to take out Zoidberg, since the bug started menacingly walking towards Zoidberg. But, the bug's menacing demeanor was taken away when Zoidberg grabbed the bug by the shoulders, put it's head in his mouth, and bit it off, leaving the bug as a headless husk that immediately fell dead.

The bugs started acting terrified, until they decided to gang up on Zoidberg. So, three bugs went to get Zoidberg at once. But, Zoidberg simply did what he did to the first bug two more times. The third bug, though, got something special. Zoidberg also shoved it's head inside his mouth, but instead of biting down, Zoidberg continued shoving the rest of the bug into his mouth until he swallowed the entire bug in one gulp.

This royally freaked the rest of the bugs out. They all left the orphanarium any way they could and ran as fast as they could away from the building.

"And don't come back unless you feel like giving Zoidberg another free buffet," Zoidberg called out.

"Zoidberg," Leela gasped while Zoidberg untied her, "You saved my life."

"Of course," Zoidberg brushed off, "I'm a doctor. I won't just sit idly by when someone else is dying and I can help them."

"I wish there was something I could do to repay you," Leela wished.

"You could not swat me away when you see me eating from your garbage," Zoidberg offered.

"Actually," Leela thought out loud, "I might have a better idea."

Later that day, the staff of the orphanarium was crammed into Leela's office while Leela explained Zoidberg's new job to Zoidberg.

"So, if there were any problems related to insects or other edible creatures," Leela explained, "We would send you to take care of it instead of Bender."

"Can I have my own closet," Zoidberg asked.

"You better believe you're getting your own," Bender yelled, "I'm not sharing a tiny space with someone as slimy as you."

"And it's all right in the contract we're about to print up," Leela explained, "Bender?"

"Telling me to do all this stuff," Bender moaned, followed by a contract falling from his mouth.

"Just sign on the dotted line," Leela instructed.

"I'll sign anything if it means Zoidberg gets a room to himself," Zoidberg thought out loud, signing the contract.

"It's all set," Leela stated, "Welcome to the staff. I'd shake your hand, but, you know..."

"This is so crazy," Amy gasped, "It's like the old Planet Express crew is slowly getting rebuilt."

"No, it's not," Leela objected, "Zoidberg is our last hire from the old Planet Express crew. Everyone else us being kept out of this."

"Jeez," Amy groaned, "You didn't have to get so snippy about it."

"Speaking of crew," Hermes asked, "Has anybody seen Crunchy?"

At that very moment, the bugs were running from the orphanarium, one of them holding Crunchy like he was a bride.

"If you are going to cook and eat me," Crunchy objected, "I must insist that you soak me in low fat oils."

The bug carrying Crunchy responded by hissing at him.

"Sweet, man," Crunchy responded.


	4. Fry Encounter

One more successful week had gone by for the orphanarium crew. And this meant going to a pizza restaurant to get pizza for the whole orphanarium. If they didn't like plain cheese, too bad.

This week, Leela, Bender, and Amy were sent to pick up the pizzas. They usually went to this locally run place, which meant that there were low prices and pretty damn good pizzas.

As they entered the restaurant, they were immediately assaulted with the smell of authentic cheese, tomatoes, and various toppings.

"Ahh," Leela sighed, "This is one of the only places in New New York that smells genuine."

"I know," Bender responds, "I hate it too."

"I hope that the chef from last time isn't still here," Amy wished, "I caught 'em staring at my rack the whole time I was here."

"She did seem a bit pervy, didn't she," Leela asked.

That's when Leela noticed that one waiter looked a tad too familiar.

"Fry," Leela called out.

The waiter turned and it was indeed Fry. But, he recognized the gang too and quickly turned back around.

"Is that ol' meatbag," Bender asked, "Man, it's been too long."

"What's he doing here dressed like a waiter," Amy asked.

"I don't know," Leela stated, "But I'm going to go find out."

Leela marched over to Fry and tapped his shoulder.

"Fry," Leela blurted out.

"Lo siento, una dama de ojos," Fry stammered, "Pero no conozco esta Fry de la que hablas."

"How did you learn to speak Spanish," Leela asked.

"I memorized it in case you found me," Fry admitted, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

Fry then tried to get dirty plates from tables, but Leela continued to follow him.

"But why are you working here," Leela asked, "You shouldn't have to do this if you still have all your money. And I thought you were a delivery boy."

"That's all gone," Fry confessed, "And I have to work my way up to delivery boy."

"You wasted all your money," Leela scolded, "I can't believe you. I thought you were going to be responsible for once."

"Leela," Fry groaned.

"Just what exactly did you spend that money on," Leela asked.

"I used that money to donate to your orphanarium," Fry admitted.

"What," Leela asked.

"I was the Anon E Mous who donated all that money to help you finalize the purchase," Fry continued, "I saw you on Good Morning, Hollywood, and I knew I had to do something."

"That was you," Leela realized, "Fry, if this was all one elaborate plan to try and win me over, I'm simultaneously impressed and disappointed."

"That's not what this is about," Fry objected, "I did it because I knew that owning an orphanarium is important to you. I did it because I care about you. I did it because, even if you don't really consider me a friend, I still think of you as a friend. But, I didn't do it because I thought it'd get you to fall in love with me. And that's why I used a fake name, so you wouldn't refuse the money, thinking it was just a scheme to win your heart."

"Fry," Leela countered, "I-I think of you as a friend."

"Then why did you invite everybody to work at your orphanarium except me," Fry asked.

Leela thought she knew the answer, but was too stunned to speak. And, in her silence, she realized that the answer she thought she had wasn't a very good answer in retrospect.

"That's what I thought," Fry grumbled, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work. Nice seeing you."

And Fry went back to his menial job, angrier with Leela than he'd ever been before.

As Leela walked back to Amy, she looked stunned. Not completely stunned, but stunned enough for Amy to notice.

"What happened," Amy asked.

"I think I made a mistake," Leela stated.

"What are you talking about," Amy asked.

"We should get the pizza and go," Leela changed the subject, "I have some thinking to do. Where's Bender?"

Meanwhile, across the restaurant, Bender had decided to sit at a table and yell at a waiter.

"When I say that I've been sitting here for over half an hour and nobody's taken my order," Bender complained, "I am not mistaken!"

"I'm sorry sir," Fry apologized, "The customer is always right, after all."

"You're damn right, meatbag," Bender stated, "Now provide a service for me."

"Of course," Fry stated, "What would you like, sir?"

"I want the food of kings," Bender stated, "But since you don't seem to have that, I would like your manager."

"Yes sir," Fry responded as he walked from the table.

Later that night, the pizza restaurant recieved an order for a delivery. In fact, they recieved a lot of orders for deliveries. Since all of the delivery boys were out and there was one more delivery to be delivered, Fry was temporarily promoted to delivery boy for one night.

And, to Fry's surprise, he was delivering food to Leela's orphanarium. Fry dreaded having to see Leela again, after their argument in the restaurant, but he knew he had to do his job. So, he went up to the door and knocked.

"Hello," Fry called out, "I have a delivery for an Al Coholic."

That's when Fry realized he had been prank called once again.

"Dammit, Bender," Fry grumbled, dropping the pizza and walking away.

"Fry, wait," Leela yelled, having opened the door.

"Leela," Fry asked, turning around, "What do you want?"

"You were right," Leela yelled, "I thought I knew why I didn't bring you to the orphanarium, but I didn't. I should have brought you on. If there's anybody who knows the importance of working together with people you care about, it's you. And I need help working together right now."

"Wait," Fry gasped, walking up to the front doorway, "Are you saying..."

"Fry," Leela stated, "I want you on this orphanarium team."

"So you need me," Fry grinned, "This is good. I'll do it, but you've gotta say you were wrong."

"Fine," Leela groaned, "I was wrong."

"Yeah, you were," Fry cheered, "And I am eating it up."

"Glad to hear," Leela stated, shaking Fry's hand, "Welcome aboard. I'll get Hermes to draw up a contract in the morning."

"You know," Fry flirted, "It feels nice when you hold my hand like this."

"Well, that's enough of that," Leela blurted out, letting go of Fry's hand, "Here, let me show you around."

So, Leela let Fry inside the orphanarium and began to show him around the place.

"So," Fry asked, "Is there anybody else from Planet Express you didn't bring back?"

"Not anymore," Leela answered.

Suddenly, a large explosion went off from underneath the orphanarium. Then, Farnsworth emerged from the basement into the room, where Fry and Leela were standing and Dolan was texting, leaning against a wall.

"Bad news, everyone," Farnsworth announced.

"You invented a cure for aging that didn't work, and you became thirty years older," Dolan asked.

"Well," Farnsworth stuttered, "No..."

"I'm starting to lose interest in your story," Dolan grumbled.

"What happened, Professor," Leela asked.

"I tried inventing a machine that could make clothes faster than six Martian children," Farnsworth explained, "Then, it blew up and took away four of my brain cells."

"That's gotta push you into the negative numbers," Dolan mumbled.

"Just like old times," Fry thought out loud.

"Yeah," Leela responded, "I forgot how many headaches the old times gave me."


End file.
